When I was younger, I used to have night terrors. I’d lie
awake in my bed at night, too terrified to sleep. It felt like something
terrible would happen as soon as I was unconscious and defenseless. It was embarrassing
– what kind of teenager is still afraid of the dark? I think I've gotten a bit
more secure now, because I can readily admit, it happened again a couple nights
ago. It’s funny though, because do you know when the fear stopped? While I was
sleeping (which, unfortunately wasn't until the wee hours of the morning, but
nevertheless…). I had a picture in my head, when I woke up to the weak dawn
light. It was of God, standing over my sleeping self with a drawn sword.
“It isn’t your job to
keep yourself safe, sweetheart. That’s what I do.”
Sometimes God waits until we stop trying to defend ourselves
to step in and fight the battle that was always His to begin with. Not because
He likes to see us afraid, but because He wants us to know it’s all, always Him.
That’s a truth I can rest in, because He’s a lot stronger than I am. Also, He
doesn’t need to sleep. I really do. When I don’t I get all grumpy.
I don’t know where the
Darkness comes from.
From deeper shadows outside,
Or my own
Faith-lacking, shallow-beating heat?
It doesn't really matter though
Because You,
Like dawn breaking,
Soft and unstoppable,
Pour across my quaking,
Restless shoulders
And rock me to sleep
In the safe, still, constant dawn of
Always with you.
“Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through
Him who loved us. For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels
nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor
height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us
from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
Romans 8:37-39
